Ruined

        It is late but I cannot sleep till I write this....I had a dream a few weeks ago that has stayed with me. My husband was in it and without giving all the details, I just want to share one part. As he fell to the ground looking like he was in pain, I immediately fell beside him begging him to tell me how I could help him. He spoke  these words...."I need the Potter's report.....".   There was more but those words kept coming to me, how odd. You know how we dream some crazy things sometimes and I ignore a lot of it. But this bothered me. What did that mean? So I searched with some friends in scripture and on line to see what I would find. I came to Jeremiah to the well known verses about the Potter's House and this morning I felt clarity.....one verse in particular jumped out at me.....

      The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying:² “Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause you to hear My words.” ³ Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. ⁴ And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make.   Jeremiah 18:1-4


    Who is the Potter? The Lord.... What am I? The clay. The Potter was making a vessel and it was "marred" or as the Hebrew meaning is, "ruined". I stared at this for awhile......it was the Potter that ruined the  vessel and made another as it seemed good to Him. I have had to look at my life and see a complete change in it. I have felt so broken at times I felt  I was ruined. This vessel was not ruined by life, by circumstances, by people, places or things....it was ruined by the Potter. But why? for what purpose? To be made into another vessel......
      There are many brothers and sisters who are going through life changing experiences, that have left them so broken. The trials are painful, tiring, traumatic to the point of exhaustion and the temptation to give up is ever looming. How we see the Maker and how we see ourselves is key to going the distance. I saw it again in this verse. My Lord has me in His hands and is the One forming me. His goal is not to keep me from all the force of the Potter's wheel, or to work around all the deformities in me but to work them out. To constantly keep me pliable and remove from me all that is in the way. He wants to make "another vessel as it seems good to Him". He is not asking me for my opinion, (though I offer it often)....I want the painless, easy way....I want to be coddled at times. This will not do, He is committed to showing me all the "sins and weights that so easily beset me" (Hebrews 12). Yes I am forgiven, washed in the blood, by this alone I can stand before God. Yet I can see that I am far from perfection, nor do I excuse myself from pursuing to be like Him. Like Paul I want to press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.... (Phil 3). There is more, so much more than what I have experienced, so much more to grasp. I have felt despair like never before, a magnificent obsession has taken hold of me. If He has ruined us then He is making another vessel....as it seems good to Him. It is not about us, it is about Him. That is my greatest fault, making it about me.......no matter how hard the trial, no matter how ruined we feel, may we believe that He is ever committed to finishing what He has begun...............all for His Glory and His Honor....  
       I would like to see in heaven, and would wish to hear the Lord giving my husband "the Potter's Report". "It is good John, she may be ruined but she is soft clay in my hands and I am making something altogether new." Oh Lord, may it be so! All for You!
      

The Bride

      I found another picture the other day of my husband among his family photos taken at our wedding. It was a side view of him taken at the church. He was wearing all white and looking back at me while I was walking down the aisle. The look on his face was sheer content and desire. I held the picture in my hands and cried. I remembered feeling so privileged and honored that he would want to share his life with me, with me! If you had seen me, I was nothing great to look at. I was as skinny and scrawny as a twig, ( no shape). I wore no make up, (I was a "hippie"), the dress I got was from a clearance rack, the smallest they could find and it still had to be taken in everywhere. I had crooked front teeth (I only got braces when I was pregnant for my 3rd child :). What did he see? As I relayed this to a friend of mine and her daughter....the daughter remarked, "you didn't where make-up?" I replied no since I didn't where it any other time.... So I asked again, What did he see in me? The friend replied, "Your heart!!". I stopped and felt a God moment....
      John made me feel like I was the best thing to happen to him. He knew me, all my faults and weaknesses and yet He loved me so very well...when I feel lonely for him and ache in my heart at my loss, I stop and revel in the knowledge that I was cherished so......
     I see a picture here, one of us, the bride....not much to look at on the outside but here is our Savior, our Lord Jesus gazing at us from the throne with such desire and love. He is perfect, and we are not. What does He see? Despite what we look like, He is waiting and wanting us. Oh such a love!!
     No matter how beautiful the bride or groom, there are not certainties here that the marriage will last....we have seen so many break ups haven't we? It is not what is seen that will last......those of us who have grown older see the effects of that on our bodies.... :).... the wedding dress doesn't fit most of us anymore either. Yet after many years, (almost thirty), my heart would still skip a beat when I knew I was going home to see my John. And my heart beats fervently for the One who knows me best and loves me best, My Lord Jesus. That deep revelation is needed in the church today. If we stopped all our busyness, spent time alone in His Presence we would be amazed at such desire from One so Holy and Good. It would make us lay aside all the distractions, and trifle pleasures of this life and concentrate on the one purpose we were made for....JESUS. Yes! He is our reason for living and He is our fulfillment. After returning home from my friend's that night, I wept before my Lord with such gratefulness. I wish I had John before me often. Sometimes I sigh so deep that it makes my heart physically hurt. But if this trial brings me to a place to share truth and comfort to a hurting and lost world (including the church) then so be it. What else is there in life to compare with the magnificent overwhelming Grace of our God. What better purpose is there then to array myself in the white He purchased for me and walk down life's road to meet Him at the throne.....to be one with Him. This is our greatest privilege and honor........may we stop and revel.....