I've had a full weekend with my family, kids and grand kids. Always grateful for the gift they are to me, and especially now that I'm widowed. That word is still strange to me, almost unbelievable at this stage of my life but it happens to everyone at some stage of life. As I approach July 16, I dread the memories of that night that keep trying to plague me. It was a traumatic experience, one I shudder to remember. I've only shared it in some detail to close friends but refuse to tell it all. As I spent time weeping today and talking to The Lord about it, the pain was intense. I didn't even get to say goodbye or I Love you. Within minutes he was gone after I feverishly made the 911 phone call and then watched my son do CPR on his own father.
As I sought The Lord tonight He spoke, as He always does, sending the comfort I need. I hear His voice, I do! I really do! It's amazing to me how His voice reaches to the depths of my soul, to the darkest places and brings light. He said, "I was there Celeste, I was right there." And He showed me how He held me up, gave me His word through my tears. The memory became vivid of when we reached the hospital and they pronounced John dead, I had fallen to the floor and wailed, through my tears later by his body these words came out......
" The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever. " (Psalm 23)
I could hear my voice and thought, how can I do this now?!! Because I'm strong? No! I'm one of the weakest people I know. It was because Jesus was right there with me, and supernaturally He spoke to me through my own mouth. Later the next evening I collapsed in exhaustion on my oldest son's couch but would wake up every hour gasping as I realized John was gone. Yet each time I did, I would feel the Holy Spirit close to my face say "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." John 12:24. Every time I woke up I heard this word, over and over. I wasn't quoting it to myself, I know I wasn't, I could barely function! My body and mind were useless, very weak, but within my spirit the Living Word of God gave me what I needed to go on.
Today as I wept before Him, He reminded me gently and so patiently, that He was there and THAT is why I survived. He continues to be there and I yearn to hear His voice because His Word IS life, real life.
"O you who dwell in the gardens, with companions listening for your voice; let me hear it." Song of Solomon 8:13
May you hear His voice ........and believe His Word to you.......
