Play On

      While I sit here alone I have been feeling the loneliness.....but I also have been meditating and praying about some things I need to make decisions about. I pray about everything. I cannot think about my life apart from what the Lord's will is for me. I have been promised that if I seek Him I will find Him. (Deut. 4:29) Also if I trust in Him and lean not on my understanding, and in ALL my ways acknowledge Him He will direct my paths. (Prov. 3:5,6) So I believe this to be true and seek Him daily for my life. I am tempted by my grief to sit alone and just do nothing but sit.....I sit in my rocker and rock and rock....but...... there is inside me a song rising.....one that I heard the day I gave my life to the Lord. It has never left....it might have gotten quieted by hardship and trial but it is always there. I hear it in the night, I hear it when I am in prayer, I hear it in the silence of aloneness. It is I believe part of a symphony and I am one instrument among many. I do not want the pain to silence my song, and I don't think it will. I see the Lord like a conductor holding His baton, tapping it on the music stand and  lifting it up as all the instruments gather their attention to Him. He is ready for us to play as one.....this is our time to rise up and make the music of the Kingdom of God.
          This world is playing another song, one that is not melodious, it is chaotic and full of fear and it is driving men mad. You see the confusion, and the disharmony bringing no peace, no hope. Yet in the midst of all this darkness, I still hear the song. It is the song of the redeemed.....singing to the Lamb of God.
          No matter where I find myself I know I am not of this world. I am an ambassador of another kingdom. I am here to play His song, and be His instrument. And by His Spirit I get tuned and ready to respond to the conductor of my life. I found a card recently that was from my sister Ann Hebert who went home to be with the Lord a year before John. I think the Lord let me find it, and within it was a message to me and I believe it is for you as well......

        " There are things only you can do, and you are alive to do them. In the great orchestra we call life,

     you have an instrument and a song, and you owe it to God to play them both sublimely.

                                                                                                     

   Within the card it said only two words,   ...........PLAY ON............love, Ann

As I read the card, the words rang as a command for me to not sit alone and let life pass me by but to rise again take up my instrument and song and not to let anything stop me.  I have a song......His name is

                     JESUS.                 

The Valley of Achor

     It has been awhile since I have written....a lot has happened since then. I have given my notice to my current employer and have a new one waiting. I have prayed for this and the Lord has answered. Thank you Lord!
     But during this wait and still now I am having a difficult time....
      I shed a lot of tears, and the ache of my heart can be felt physically at times...I am getting my house ready to sell, I have lived here almost 20 years. My husband & I and the kids made many memories here. And of course before that as well. So as I start going through things I have to stop because of the emotions that overwhelm me.
        I have difficulty with some of the teaching that goes forth from the church here in America. So much about trouble free living with no pain or suffering.......do this or that and you will always get this......all about promises of no difficulties....
      Well I would like to share one promise I know......"In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."(John 16:33) We stress the overcome part but forget to take in the whole statement....."in this world you will have tribulation...."  When I read my bible I see many brothers and sisters that have gone ahead of us, suffering.....Paul listed quite a few in 2 Corinthians 11, he was whipped, stoned, shipwrecked, in many perils, weariness, toil, sleeplessness, hunger, thirst, cold and nakedness. All this coming from the Apostle of faith. I have not experienced near all of these troubles....but I know some suffering and it is when I read about his suffering or our other brethren going through tribulation that I find comfort. You are thinking maybe, "How do you find comfort in that?" It is because I know I am not alone in it. That you can be a follower of Christ, know hardship and still be in His hands. There is a purpose of God that goes beyond this world, one we cannot see except a glimpse......to be made in the image of Jesus Christ. One of my constant prayers is, "Lord let me know you, be like you, for it is You I worship." Well it is hard to really know someone without intimacy, without deep fellowship.
   "That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings...."(Phil. 3:10) The other day as I wept, I ached for John. I know where he is and I would not want to take him from there but the pain of my separation from him is beyond words at times. I could say to the Lord that I understood why He cried on the cross, "Father why hast thou forsaken me"....because of the pain of separation from the One He was was in such union with. John & I were one, we enjoyed each others companionship and loved each other deeply, so the pain of separation is felt profoundly. I feel the Lord's heart more, His desire to be one with us, to share such communion and intimacy.
       So...................I do not find comfort in "victory" messages of promises of pain free lives. I have found the greatest comfort in the Lord's Presence while in the valley of Achor (trouble). Here is a portion of scripture that the Lord has made my own....
      "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak to her heart there, and the valley Achor as a door of hope; she shall sing there as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up from the land of Egypt. "And it shall be, in that day," says the Lord, that you will call Me, My Husband, and no longer call Me My Master"  (Hosea 2:14-16)
       I have found great comfort in these words.....they speak volumes to me. My Lord knows me and He is leading me through this valley......He is speaking to my heart in ways I would not grasp if I was not here. If you are suffering, let Him lead you, and conform you to His image. In that place you will experience His Presence like never before, in death comes life.....His life..... before we know it, we will be with Him and then there will be no more pain or tears......................thank you Jesus....