Hello my friends, I haven't written for awhile because I do not have internet at the moment. I am in the midst of getting my home empty for the final sale of it at the end of this month. Going through so many things stirs up so many memories. I have found cards and letters I wrote to my husband (John saved them all) and the letters and cards he wrote me. The other day I found one signed, "your madly in love husband". I held it to my chest and cried. I have been crying a lot when I am alone lately. When someone the other day suggested another man to me, I was shocked and dismayed. I went home, fell to my knees weeping before the Lord. The pain of being alone is felt keen and deep but at no time do I think about anyone but John. He was not just a man I lived with for 30 years........ he was my best friend, my mentor, my inspiration, my #1 cheerleader, my worship and prayer partner, the father of my children, my only earthly love. As I wept I told the Lord how hard it has been to grieve lately around others. When I get weepy and mention John, they change the subject or say some blanket statement that is supposed to snap me out of my grief. I asked Him why I was feeling even more depressed lately and if there was something wrong with the way I feel. I asked for mercy and understanding .....for separation is a painful experience.....He knows......
This morning during our Sunday worship the Holy Spirit was ministering to us. As people were led they left their seats and laid hands on others, so I just sat down to pray. When I looked up my new boss (I started in a new position in May) called me out of my seat. He began to tell me that he recognized my grief, that it was OK to cry and show my pain to my fellow workers. That he was adding to my job description to go into his office everyday and tell him something about John. As he and his wife held me I lost it, I began to weep in such relief, in such gratefulness. What a gift this job has been.......The Lord heard my cry and he showed me the mercy and understanding I was asking for.......
I have to speak about John. He was the most godly man I've ever known. His gentleness and humbleness were such an inspiration to me. I was privileged to be his wife and I know that the time spent together has left its permanent mark on me. I hope when things settle down, I will take out my husbands writings and share them with you. He wrote all the time..........if he didn't have a notebook in front of him he wrote on whatever he could find. I open a book or find an old envelope and there is his notes.....he still speaks to me.....
The Lord saw me in secret, heard the cry of my heart and answered it.....He is the Great Comforter......
