"Draw me close to You, never let me go......" As the singers in the service began singing it this morning, I began to cry. I had kept it together, but the ache was stirring. We had just finished a song about surrender and again as I have to do often, I reached out to The Lord to say I surrender again. My heart now in a vulnerable place and the old song beginning to be sung I sat down to cry. Every evening John and I worshipped and prayed together and that song was a constant prayer. After a long day's work amidst a world of hurting folks we would draw near to the only One who could heal us and fill us. Oh how I miss those times especially when I pick up the guitar and sing alone. I can still hear his voice in the background, probably because he is still singing with me even now.
I guess I cannot get tired of talking of love because that is what God is. And in a world that is full of anger and hate, that is the most needed element. God's love, which is the only kind that can fill the cavernous hole in a human soul. This Christmas Eve after going to a midnight service with my sister in law, I came home to a quiet house, went to bed and the tears began to flow. I told The Lord how tired I was of feeling like I just don't fit in anymore. How I missed that unconditional love that was so lavished upon me by my sweet John. Sometimes the loneliness was overwhelming but this night even more so. "Lord, this is so hard! Why did you take him. Tell me again. I feel so lost sometimes, so lacking in my ability to cope. I miss the love, the fellowship, the kindness, the patience, the faithfulness that was given so freely everyday. I never had to prove myself to him, he loved me as I am, and he was my greatest cheerleader, always encouraging the best in me to come forth. Where is it now?"
I finished pouring my heart out before Him, ............then it came........ Like a soft whisper on a sweet breeze, His voice ever closer than my own breath,.......He said, "What will you do now?"
It was only a second, but an eternity at the same time. My spirit rose up in me and replied, "I will love those you have given me with the same love I received. It is now my turn."
And with that I felt His Presence like a blanket cover me, sweet peace came upon me and I fell asleep. I rose up Christmas morning with a gift, the burning desire to love, really love......to be the cheerleader in someone else's life, to inspire and encourage them to be all that Christ died to make them. And I'm finding that as I give it to others my need is filled! Oh I may have my moments like this morning but it is temporary, and just a reminder that I have to find someone to uplift today. For as I do, I am lifted up too. Are you lonely? Visit someone. Are you discouraged? Encourage someone. Do you desire unconditional love? Then give it without condition. As you do you will be met by the One who fills all in all. Ephesians 1:23
Be blessed today beloved.
