Love Letter

While getting together documents for my accountant for tax purposes, I was digging through my desk and found an envelope put safely away. It was a love letter and poem my husband wrote me. He wrote it while stuck in an airport for 6 hours. I gently opened it and knew I would probably weep for a time... I did. It is amazing how a love born in God can make you feel. John made me feel like I was the best thing to happen to him outside of Jesus....  I let a few friends read it and they cried too. So many have never experienced this...even married for many years. When a man loves God more than he loves you, he will always treat you right. He will always put you first. John used to counsel men who liked the scripture about the wife submitting to the husband and challenge them, "well if you want to have that then you must do your part, love your wife as Christ loved the church, remember Christ laid down his life for the church. So are you ready to die for her?" I would sit there so humbled by such a loving husband. I told a young lady today that we would try to outdo each other but John always won. He always thought about his life in terms of eternity and what is real worth. Some think worth comes from money or power or worldly accomplishments. John knew that a man's worth came from Christ and Christ alone and his true accomplishment would be to lay his life down for others. I miss him terribly, I miss that special way he made me feel when I was around him. When I get overwhelmed in grief I hear a voice say, "Rejoice, you have had a love of loves, be grateful, be thankful and live in that love, share that love." I hope and pray that I can make others feel the way my husband made me feel....loved and precious to God.....it is the least that I should by grace do......
    Thank you, thank you Jesus!

Are we alone?

        Today I was helping a friend through a tough time...as she relayed her loneliness I ached inside at my own. I cannot remain there though...I say often, "I am not alone," because I know it to be true and know that I have an enemy of my soul who wants me to be full of self pity and bitterness. I refuse to stay there....what right do I have to remain there...everything I have been given past and present is a gift, not owed to me, not a right, but truly a gift. The creator sought me out and gave me purpose and it is not to stay self absorbed in my misery. Do I ache and weep? Yes of course! Everyday I wake up and look at my half empty bed and room and it hits me, John is not here anymore...the love of my earthly life. Every time I see an old loving couple, I think, well that isn't me anymore...I am a widow......but......(an important word....) something deep within me reaches out to my Lord, a deep love and hope that is born out of my suffering. Am I not facing reality??? What is reality?.. Most people say it is what is around them, what they see and hear and feel. That....is not reality. There is a heavenly kingdom which is not of this earth and it is truer than anything here. It lifts me to a plane of peace and joy beyond my circumstances, to a higher place with a greater view. This view shows me  my King and the opportunity given me to be a light, a comfort, a witness. There is still a world out there that needs to know the love of Jesus Christ. Who better to share than those who know it firsthand....."out of the depths you lifted me..."
 He is my life .........and all I know is... He loves you & me with an eternal love.When I am lonely then I need to reach out to those around me, love on them with this love. I feel a deep contentment when I do this. I am going now to prepare dinner tonight for friends........I am excited....I will not be alone.....I know I am never alone.........

Climbing higher...

Today during the morning service I had a vision while worshiping..... I was standing on a high mountain above clouds and the view beyond was amazing......then the Lord spoke to my heart ....it takes faith and trust to climb a mountain...one has to believe it will hold them up and that the view must be spectacular. I don't think we would want to climb a mountain with no view to reward the effort. Trust keeps us climbing and believing even if the path is difficult. I remember climbing on my hands and knees once because the wind was so strong it could blow us over if we stood up. Once on top the views are so revealing....the Lord was wooing me to a place I could see so much more than what I saw in the valley of weeping. I was reminded in the message afterwards of Elisha & Gehazi in the Old Testament being surrounded by the enemy and how Gehazi was panicking but Elisha was not. So Elisha prayed that Gehazi eyes would be opened to see what he could see....and it happened. Gehazi could see an army of angels surrounding them....
         I get overwhelmed when I can't see, when I feel surrounded by burdens like grief, loneliness, the cares for my house, bills, snowstorms, work....etc..    I have to leave the valley by prayer, worship, reading the Word and meditating in quiet..... then all of a sudden I am above it looking down and seeing it from God's perspective....what a view! I am lifted up and sigh at such beauty, His love & grace to me are majestic like the view from a great mountain. I wrote this poem after just such a "climb". I hope it will encourage you to leave your valley and take in Jesus.....
                          "When I am in the valley
                           I can't see where paths may lead
                           Surrounded by a forest
                           a clear view is what I need
                           I look up and see a mountain
                           a hill above the trees
                           I walk in that direction
                           climbing with the breeze
                           when I finally reach the top
                           the pain is felt so keen
                           Yet when I look about
                           what wonders to be seen
                          I stand and catch my breath
                          I gasp, I gape, I sigh
                          to think what I would miss
                          If I had passed it by
                          the many paths and trails
                         you can see for miles around
                         you know now where they're going
                          and at the end what may be found
                          I feel a story here
                          One that I must tell
                         when you are in confusion
                         and cannot see so well
                        Hear the Savior calling
                        come to His mountain top
                        cease from all your struggling
                        cause your mind to stop
                        raise your hands in worship
                        lay your burdens at His feet
                       get still before His Presence
                       till you feel His soft heartbeat
                       your eyes will then be opened
                       His truth will come in view
                       in wisdom you will know
                       which path He's leading to
                       so come now from you valley
                       to the mountain of the Lord
                       He'll show you where your path is
                       but will show you so much more
                       as you gaze into His splendor
                       You'll gasp and gape and sigh
                       just think what would be missed
                       if you had passed Him by.....   C Fortin


                   


                                        

God hears....

        Today was my day off....I slept in, had time with the Lord and went to lunch with friends. During my time with the Lord, I am reading Elizabeth Elliot's book, "A Path Through Suffering". It is laden with stories and truths that challenge me in the midst of my grief and remind me I am not alone in it. One of the things that I desire most and have asked the Lord for is to give me glimpses of heaven. John & I were so close that I ache and wonder, does he think of me? Does he miss me? (probably not since he is with Jesus)....but more than that is the desire to be with him when I get there...to share heaven with him. I miss him so much, we shared over 30 wonderful years together, we went through very happy times and difficult times and weathered them always together.....so again this morning I asked the Lord to please let me see into heaven....well later in the day I ran into a brother who lost a loved one and he directed me to a book about a 4 year old's journey to heaven. I immediately bought the book at Walmart and have sat reading the rest of the day....just to get a glimpse... Why?...... because someone I love is there.....
        One day as I gazed out the window sighing the Lord told me... John is not dead. Do not say he is dead for he is not. Then this scripture rose inside me... "I am the resurrection and the life....he who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?" John 11:25,26. He was asking if I believed this...if I do then I must believe that heaven is a real place, not a far away dream but very real....
         Again, I remember a card I got with a Thomas Kincaid painting of  stone steps leading to a beautiful garden....all of a sudden in my heart I could see John at the top of the steps waiting to lead me to Jesus... .....despite the great loneliness I feel, and I feel it deeply, I know that heaven is real, I choose to believe even though I don't see just yet but sometimes the Lord does allow me to get glimpses.......

Sunny Day

Today I felt very tired when I awoke and it would of been tempting to remain in bed but the desire to not be alone and to worship with others prevailed. Again I felt His Presence engulf me and touch me and afterwards a young man shared a message on family, the family of God. His desire for us to be one....how we are a body and each part cannot do without the other. As I sat there I remembered how I would sit alone and cry till a young lady came and invited me to sit with her family and since then I sit with them... Yes when we open ourselves to relationship we sometimes get hurt but if we insulate ourselves from it we will eventually isolate ourselves. Yesterday was hard, I sat alone in my house for hours watching the falling snow, but today I go to a couple's home for a "Super Bowl" party and the excitement of not being alone makes me smile. People will disappoint us, that is inevitable but today we need to choose to love, to reach out, to carry the love of the Saviour Jesus Christ, to be humbled, broken, taught, changed into His likeness and that can only happen in a relationship....with Him and with others.......thank you Joshua for sharing your heart......and Olivia for dancing for Jesus and for us, and Melody for not leaving me alone to cry.......

Storms Do End...

well....I was looking outside at the storm and thinking it would not end but it did....and I gave a sigh of relief...storms come and when you are in the midst of it...it feels like it will never end....but it does....I am in a storm of grief.....dark clouds looming.....if I didn't believe that it would calm down and the sun come out again I would be in despair but I don't believe that..... I believe in God's promises, everyday I remind myself what they are and something like the sun coming out of dark clouds arises in my heart. I may still cry the tears of loneliness and longing for my John, but they are not the tears of hopelessness.....I may feel pain but it will come to an end....He has promised to wipe away all our tears.....

It is Time...

This has been on my heart since after the holidays.....during a time of prayer I saw this blog idea and the title. I felt it was from the Lord and since we don't write on parchment anymore or use "snail mail" as much...how would I write my thoughts down quickly when I think them...and share what I feel I am being taught at a a timely manner...so here we are......