Tonight I've been crying.....Saturday nights were spent with my husband. As I have been getting the house ready to sell it has been more evident to me that he is not here anymore. As I go through all the house, memories are everywhere and he is everywhere...so I meditated on the Word and felt led to write because it heals my broken heart.
I was led to one of my husbands favorite verses.....
"Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the valley of Baca (weeping), they make it a spring; The rain also covers it with pools (blessings). They go from strength to strength..." Psalm 84:5-7
John spoke often of how our life here was a pilgrimage......only passing through.... how we were created for God and the world was not our home, that we should not be "comfortable" with it. I did not understand as he did. It was obvious to everyone around him that he kept himself for the Lord and wanted to do His will always. I saw it even more these last years......I always thought I would go first, especially since I told the Lord often that I would not survive without John........apparently the Lord was not "listening" and not in agreement.....
It has been one year since John has gone home and I have survived......not without much grace and the Lord's constant care for me.....I have gone on because my heart is set on pilgrimage......I know this is not my home....my heart is elsewhere.... and as I have passed through the valley of weeping I have found pools of blessings that I did not recognize before.....the blessing of His deep comforting Presence, of His abounding provision, and His voice so clear to me.....He is ever speaking....(we just need to stop and listen).....
Since I grieve often.....I seek to be alone often.....there I find His strength. You see I need His Presence to keep going on........ since I see my great lack apart from Him. The hole in my heart can only be healed and filled by Him.........
So on this anniversary as I am pained by the memories of the year before I also look back and marvel... ..... I have survived......and will go on..........thank You Lord Jesus....
