Not Alone

         I know it has been awhile since I wrote.......I always said I would write more when it settled down. Well now it has. My daughter is married and it was a glorious day full of the blessing of the Lord. The weather report looked bleak and with an outside ceremony I heard many saying, what is plan B? Well I prayed and had peace, and though the day before was rainy all day, on the 9th of September the sun came out. As my daughter and her new husband had communion together a tape played with my husband singing "Oh the Blood". There were many tears but as I watched I thought of the legacy my dear John left me. Here I was a wild and crazy girl of 18, very much in love with Jesus with no interest in dating. There was John so steady and peaceful but also very much in love with Jesus. So naturally did our friendship happen and as we spent many hours in prayer and worship together our love grew for one another. I never dreamed I would be the wife of such a wonderful man. I never dreamed I would be the mother of 3, and the grandmother of 5! And knowing I was always loved, so loved by him.The pain of separation remains always and it increases when a person thinks they are helping me by suggesting I date again. I don't even see myself as single, I don't feel free in that sense. I have always belonged to Jesus, and now I am His even more. All our lives have purpose and are a journey to Him, not a group of random events. We shouldn't be looking for the easiest path, the one that will feed our earthly nature. Our journey is a heavenly one, and every choice presented to us should be submitted to the One who bought us and redeemed us to Himself. John & I prayed and sought the Lord's will. It was His will we marry and serve together. Our relationship was always founded on our love for Jesus Christ, and as we worshiped & prayed together daily we were drawn ever closer. I still hear him and feel him and dream about him. The best way I can describe it is to share what my grandson said one day. I was pointing to a picture of John and telling him that he was in heaven with Jesus. Later I told him Jesus was in his heart and he jumped and pointed to my heart and said, "Pepere". I stopped and thought, "Yes", I said,"Pepere and Jesus live in my heart". What a gift I have been given!  As I gazed at my daughter and new son-in-law , my son, his wife and their 4 children, my other son and his son, I felt the wedding band I gave my husband 32 years ago around my neck and thought what a life I have been given. It is not time to look for "another" but in gratefulness live out what time I have left declaring the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I seek the Lord daily for His will to be done in my life more than anything. He comes in His manifest Presence and I am not alone.......Jesus & John will always live with me.