Sunday, December 2, 2012

Crucified But Alive

    Hello beloved,
It has been a difficult time emotionally lately. The season bringing on so many memories of years gone by, it is also my first Christmas living alone. No tree for me, I put up my Nativity in the window for others to see. No smells of baking from my daughter with Christmas music filling the air. I played some the other day and tears kept clouding my eyes.
    Today during worship I saw in a vision my hands were pierced as I raised them to the Lord. Then this verse rose up in me,
     "I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I but Christ lives in me. And the life that I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God Who loved me and gave Himself for me."      Galatians 2:20
       As I took this in I cried out to the Lord in my heart, Oh Lord, let it be so! No living for myself, but laying my life down for the One who laid His down for me. Oh how I did not seek it, nor do I deserve such a love but it is mine.
          I had it demonstrated to me in human form for over 30 years. My husband who laid his life down daily for the Lord by loving the way Christ does was my greatest teacher. How I pray that I can continue in what I have been shown. What fulfillment is there in living for oneself. The Lord showed us the way of greatest joy..... LOVE. He IS Love!
     "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
        I Corinthians 13:4-8
       This is what we have been shown, this is what we must show others. We cannot do this in our own strength,  but we are not alone, Christ lives in us! And the life that lives in us is the same one that laid it down for the world.
       A young man shared the message today. He is going to be married in less than a month and the Lord is challenging him to prefer his bride, to lay his once selfish attitudes down for her. It was so refreshing to hear how the Lord was specific in dealing with him. His honesty was inspiring and it reminded me how my husband still called me his bride right before he went home to be with the Lord. When men came to him about wife troubles he would challenge them with the call of the head of a household. He'd say, "You want to be the head? Like Christ is the head of the church? Then lay down your life and die...." This does not give the woman headship, it gives her an example to do the same.
      I was led daily to the cross by John. May we go there daily and lead others there as well......if we do  the world will know Him.
      In a day of hurried angry souls, let us remember (as the young man said today) we are His ambassadors.  You and I have been given the greatest gift, lets pass it on.......

Sunday, November 11, 2012

A New Creation

    Hello my friends, I am so glad that I finally have a desktop computer. It has been difficult to write on my netbook all these months. My son went with me yesterday to pick it out and he set me up. How grateful I am for my children.
       Today I want to write to you about how full my heart is. I go early to my fellowship to pray before the meeting. It is a quiet time to be still and empty our hearts and minds of any clutter that will keep us from truly focusing on the Lord. I have to do it everyday because I have a mind that will keep on going even when my body stops. My thoughts can even keep me from sleeping, eating and, hearing. If I can describe it, it is like riding a train and having to jump off to slow down. So quiet and meditation in the Lord is vital for me. As we began to worship I was lifted to another place, outside this world. I sang with my whole heart and praised with earnest. I've been studying and reading on the Holy Spirit, and Oh how I am grateful for Him. When I feel I cannot go on, He comes to me and lifts me to this other place that is beyond my human strength or understanding. Like the refreshing wind after a hot spell, or finding cool water in an arid desert, or like the light of a fire on a dark night, He is all this and so much more.
        A young sister rose up and shared the Word of the Lord and danced. Oh how beautiful and uplifting and encouraging was her word and the dance was a reflection of the deep work of the Lord in her and in us. It does not matter the age of the person in front of me, I am always amazed at God's grace  coming to me through them. Whether they have known the Lord for years or just met Him, I am tearfully grateful for God's mighty work shown through them. Just stop and think where you came from, where were you when the Lord saved you? In what condition? Oh how patient He is with us, and how committed He is to us. We never have to worry about Him giving up on us when we have blown it. How many times I have failed I could never recount, but this I know, my God is for me and His number one aim is to make me like Him. I am not who I was........
              When we open ourselves to His Spirit, He does what no man can do. I've seen miraculous transformations as He pours His Spirit in a human life. The joy and peace and love is beyond imagination. It is not something that is learned, or counseled into being. It is totally spiritual, not produced by human hands or the cleverest of minds. I love to watch it happen, it never gets old to me. To see a soul who was once in torment, bound in sin, selfish and rebellious in nature, turn to the Living Savior Jesus Christ becoming a new creature. Are we perfect? No, but we are definitely not who we were before. We are born again, not of this world. Our desires and passions have changed, our direction in life has changed, our understanding is changed, even our countenance is changed. We begin this new life with the greatest power in the universe within us.
       Now we can go out into this dark world, holding out this glorious hope. We will meet with hatred and opposition from those who want to debate our faith. You can go the route of arguing doctrine, splitting hairs on theology but they cannot deny a changed heart and life. Our testimony is a powerful demonstration of His Presence. When was the last time you shared yours? I read an email today I received as a result of John's passing. It came from someone I had been sharing the Gospel with. He came to the memorial service and gave his life to Christ. He was moved by the testimonies of John's life and desired to experience it himself. What joy I had when I read this! There is only one thing that gives me more joy than being filled with His Holy Spirit, it is to see another soul saved and filled.
         Do not forget where you came from, do not forget what Christ Jesus has done for you. Be filled daily with His Holy Spirit and overflow on another soul and watch the miracle happen again......
     

Sunday, October 21, 2012

More Than The Watchman

            As the fall is coming quickly to an end, and I mean quickly....the days are getting shorter and shorter. With the cold comes the desire to hibernate ;). It had become harder and harder to get up in the morning and I would grab my iphone to wake me up in bed. I could hear the Lord (but tried to convince myself that it wasn't the Lord) say, "I want to be first". My time with Him was getting shorter and shorter and I was suffering for it. The heaviness that I have been feeling since John's parting only got more difficult. Then one of the elders shared how the Lord was disciplining him since the first thing he did in the morning was put on his computer. The Lord was saying the same thing, "I want to be first." . I was completely convicted, went home and resigned out of every game and got up an hour earlier. I wish I could tell you that the Lord made it easy but that is not the case. When I rise, my body shouts, "NO, GO BACK TO BED!". It is even still dark outside. But I have been fighting through because of my deep need, and the thirst the Lord has put in me for His voice. He makes me wait till the end to speak many times. I hear, "will you not wait with me one hour?", "Are you hungry enough to stay still?" After a few weeks I began to hear Him again more clearly and He has been confirming it as well. Here is an example.....
       In the last two years I have heard this verse quoted to me so many times I've lost count. "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." While I had a moment of pause during the day, I felt the Lord open it up to me. He told me that the tears are not the seed for sowing. It was for those who are going through difficult hard places and  find themselves broken and weeping, to not stop sowing the good seed. There are many who stop all sowing, they discontinue fellowship, worship, study of the Word.They stop listening to the Lord and obeying what He directs. They do not minister or encourage anyone. They are in pain and it has taken over their lives. We will always have pain and trial in this life....this is not our home. But there is one thing we can do, we can continue to speak God's Word and encourage each other to seek Him and wait on Him. From this comes life, eternal life and it brings forth a harvest. After He spoke this to me, I woke up the next morning and He directed me to one of my devotional books (which I never read in the morning, only in the evening). There are 365 devotions in it and thousands of scriptures to write, but there in print was the verse,"they that sow in tears shall reap in joy" and the same explanation almost word for word that he spoke to me! I HEAR You Lord! Yes Lord, I will continue to sow. I continue daily to rise early and wait on Him, desiring so deeply to hear Him and let Him fill me. I cannot survive without Him. We must press in! We need the Holy Spirit just as much as the early church did. He is our teacher, guide, and the power behind this kingdom life. Here is the verse and its next in full...

              "Those that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes to and fro weeping, bearing a bag of seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with shouts of joy bringing his sheaves with him."                    Psalm 126:5,6

      There is reward in the seeking. There are sooooo many distractions, we have to fight them off. But once we are in, we will be refreshed, empowered and our hearts will be filled once again full of seed for sowing into the lives of others. I cannot give what I don't have.......   So the time alone with Him is vital. I am getting up now expectant of what the Lord will speak, hungering and watching .......

          "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I do hope. My soul waits for the
 Lord more than the watchman who waits for the morning, yes more than those who wait for the morning."                                Psalm 130:5,6
     
                  He is there waiting for you.........................      
           


Monday, October 8, 2012

Not Alone

         I know it has been awhile since I wrote.......I always said I would write more when it settled down. Well now it has. My daughter is married and it was a glorious day full of the blessing of the Lord. The weather report looked bleak and with an outside ceremony I heard many saying, what is plan B? Well I prayed and had peace, and though the day before was rainy all day, on the 9th of September the sun came out. As my daughter and her new husband had communion together a tape played with my husband singing "Oh the Blood". There were many tears but as I watched I thought of the legacy my dear John left me. Here I was a wild and crazy girl of 18, very much in love with Jesus with no interest in dating. There was John so steady and peaceful but also very much in love with Jesus. So naturally did our friendship happen and as we spent many hours in prayer and worship together our love grew for one another. I never dreamed I would be the wife of such a wonderful man. I never dreamed I would be the mother of 3, and the grandmother of 5! And knowing I was always loved, so loved by him.The pain of separation remains always and it increases when a person thinks they are helping me by suggesting I date again. I don't even see myself as single, I don't feel free in that sense. I have always belonged to Jesus, and now I am His even more. All our lives have purpose and are a journey to Him, not a group of random events. We shouldn't be looking for the easiest path, the one that will feed our earthly nature. Our journey is a heavenly one, and every choice presented to us should be submitted to the One who bought us and redeemed us to Himself. John & I prayed and sought the Lord's will. It was His will we marry and serve together. Our relationship was always founded on our love for Jesus Christ, and as we worshiped & prayed together daily we were drawn ever closer. I still hear him and feel him and dream about him. The best way I can describe it is to share what my grandson said one day. I was pointing to a picture of John and telling him that he was in heaven with Jesus. Later I told him Jesus was in his heart and he jumped and pointed to my heart and said, "Pepere". I stopped and thought, "Yes", I said,"Pepere and Jesus live in my heart". What a gift I have been given!  As I gazed at my daughter and new son-in-law , my son, his wife and their 4 children, my other son and his son, I felt the wedding band I gave my husband 32 years ago around my neck and thought what a life I have been given. It is not time to look for "another" but in gratefulness live out what time I have left declaring the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I seek the Lord daily for His will to be done in my life more than anything. He comes in His manifest Presence and I am not alone.......Jesus & John will always live with me.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

His Name

      With all the wedding plans going on in full swing, it has stirred up many memories. It all seems unbelievable that it was me planning my wedding 32 years ago to my beloved John. It has all gone by so fast! There is one memory that I shared with a friend recently and it stirred something in me and I would like to share it with you.....
      The day of the wedding as John and I drove off to our honeymoon, I noticed a gift on the back seat of our car. I asked John if he decided to bring one of the wedding presents with us to open and he just smiled. So I asked, "Is it a present for me?", He answered yes. I was surprised with all the hubbub of the wedding that he got me a present at all. He reached out back and gave it to me eagerly. I opened it and found a beautiful leather bound bible with the name, Celeste E Fortin, engraved on it. (I keep it by my bed) I was so blessed and he was too for he was so excited to give me his name, Fortin. Often in the years that followed he would greet me with, "Well Helllooo Mrs. Fortin" and I hearing his voice say it would respond in love. Even at 30 years he would call me his bride. I felt so privileged to be called Mrs. John Fortin and will forever be grateful that he shared it with me.
      So this is what came to me in prayer yesterday. We who are in Christ are called His bride and He has given us His Name, Jesus! With that name come so many privileges. We can call on Him at any time to meet any need. We can sing it in worship, we can speak it in prayer, we can share it in our witness, we can call it in power to overcome the enemy......It gives Him so much Joy to give us His name.....
      I have said that name so often..... Jesus is alive and He will forever be my savior, my rock, my healer, my deliverer, my hiding place, my hope, my Beloved One who loves me more than I can comprehend. I will not have an earthly love again that would ever replace the one I shared with John, that I know because I have a heavenly one that fills my loneliness like no other. No matter what I face the rest of my life, Jesus Christ will be there for me, my covering and husband forever. Now more than ever I realize my need and the gift of His Name......
   

Monday, June 25, 2012

The Former Things

          I have a wedding coming up, my only daughter is getting married in September and it is quite the project. I am determined despite the pain I feel being without John, to make this a joyful celebration. Life goes on.....those of us who lose the closest person in our lives may feel like life is on hold, but for everyone else it is going forward.....
          During prayer and worship yesterday the Lord led me to Paul's declaration in Philippians Chapter 3:7-14. Please take the time to read it. I would like to highlight these verses for now....
    vs 13,14 : "Brethren I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus"
      I felt His pull on my broken heart again, so during worship I saw a waterfall and I was standing in front of it with my hands under the flow, He was beckoning me to stand under it and let it cover me. Then I heard Him say, "Former glories, former defeats,...you will not hear me recount them to you. You must not recount them to Me."
      Then I felt Him show me that as long if I lived in the past, I would miss the present. He is eternal, His kingdom is eternal, ever alive and active. I must live in Him now, keep my eyes on Him so I will not miss what He is doing now. Ever seeing Him so I can hear His voice and respond in the moment to His will. The message at our church meeting spoke about Jesus weeping over Jerusalem, He said,
    Luke 19:42,44 "If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace!..........they will not leave one stone upon another, because you did not know the time of your visitation."
                Jesus the Messiah was in their midst! And they missed it because they were looking back. In the recent months I have met with many people who remember the large church we were all a part of. Some remember it with longing, some with pain and disappointment but whichever it is, it is still looking back. "Anyone who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God." Luke 9:62
      I don't want to miss what the Lord is doing now. I want to be an active part of His will & purpose for this hour. Despite the loneliness and pain I feel daily, I ask the Lord to use me for His glory. He knows I have many memories, wonderful memories and painful ones. They will always be a part of my life and I will allow them to teach me, but I will not be bound by them to the point of keeping me from pressing on in Him. Don't let the glories of the past put pride in your heart for today, or the hurts of the past be a chain holding you back. Forgive the hurts, lay your crowns at His feet, and seek Him today, now.....don't wait, don't put it off to tomorrow. He is here, He is now.            
                Be free, let go, press on, look to Him and watch Him live in you today......I love you all.....

Friday, May 4, 2012

True Ministry

Tonight I will let my husband speak. I am copying this from his journal as he wrote it, including the punctuation and caps.

 March 11, 1986
     " What is our goal as sons and daughters of God? Well certainly it is to go to the ends of the earth. Certainly it is to love one another and serve one another. But what is the basis upon which we do this? What is the springboard that propels us into ministry? IT IS CONFORMITY TO THE IMAGE OF JESUS! IT IS BECOMING LIKE HIM!!  Ps. 17:15, Mark 3:14, Ps. 103:7 "They looked to Him and were radiant" (scripture) It is not what we do that ministers. It is not what we know that ministers, it is what we are that ministers. You do not impart what you do, or what you know, you impart what you are! (Titus 1:7)
The doing comes out of the being. THIS AND ONLY THIS IS TRUE MINISTRY!"

Thank you John, for not only believing this but living it. In a world that puts so much emphasis on how we appear to others, or what we accomplish in the sight of others, you showed me Jesus everyday in so many ways. I was privileged to have been a daily witness......Oh yes John, you truly ministered.......