Grain of Wheat

     When I am having a difficult time, like this past week, I have to continue to remind myself of God's purposes for this life. Otherwise I would remain overwhelmed by the circumstances I face. I get together with friends and share what the Lord has spoken to me, really to hear myself say it and get it deeper in my heart. The day John died was a day I, of course, will not forget. After we left the hospital I went straight to my son Jon's house because I could not emotionally go home. (That was where John died) My body was wracked with pain, I was exhausted with shock and grief and could not sleep. So thus began my first 24 hours without John or rest. Some of you may know but for those who don't.....I was extremely ill as a young woman and have worked hard to stay healthy but still have to pace myself. I never thought I would outlive John. I was the one on medicine for the rest of my life, having had diseases which led to surgeries and hospital stays. Now I was facing my life without him and the shock was overwhelmingly exhausting to my body.
          I finally collapsed from the fatigue, sleeping on my son's couch with my daughter sleeping nearby. My son Jon stayed watch over me. I kept waking with a start and Jon would immediately come forward and see if I needed anything. Each time I did wake though, I could hear clearly the voice of the Holy Spirit as if the Lord was sitting and bending over me. I kept hearing the same word each time I woke and each night for the next few weeks.
         "Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies it abides alone. But if it dies it brings forth much fruit." John 12:24
      
         I would barely be up when I heard this over and over. God's word is powerful....I have made it my study since I was a young girl. I have memorized many scriptures because it gives me hope and revives my spirit and most of all because I believe it. It is truth........
        So each time I heard it, I would cling to it's truth. Would I dare to believe that fruit would come from John's departure? Would I believe that death brings forth life? The Word says so.....so I believe.
       So many lives were touched by my husband's, and since his passing I have heard so many testimonies that have attested to the truth of God's Word. One of John & my constant prayer requests was for fruit. We wanted to be fruitful for the kingdom. In the world today so many want to be "successful" by the world's standards, rich, famous, accomplished and recognized. John never sought these things, in fact he always shunned attention. He constantly laid his life down for me, the kids, family and the church. For six hours I sat and greeted folks at the wake who said over and over, "I've never met anyone like him". I got to see some give their lives to Christ because of his testimony and others come back to the Lord because his parting was a wake up call for them.
        I am still in much pain but I cling to the truth of God's Word that as fire purifies gold, testing builds our faith, trials bring forth character, the cross brings a crown, and death brings forth life. If I keep myself planted in Jesus Christ then I will see all these things and more......
        This is the scripture I put on my husband's stone.....may you experience all the Lord has for you....

"Most assuredly,I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, 

it remains alone; but if it dies it produces much fruit.

He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. 

If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor."      John 12:24-26