It has been a hard winter for me.....I know it wasn't longer in time but it certainly felt veeerrry long. I've never cried over snow before....I always told people, "If you live in New England expect snow....otherwise you will have to move south." I can say when spring comes and I hear the birds singing, I want to be outdoors in the sun and fresh air. I've had to make some hard decisions during this cold time and if it wasn't for the Lord going through it with me, I would of despaired. I still cry most days, I hold my husbands picture and touch the image, hoping to feel his face. It is a lonely time, after being married for 30 years and being best friends for 34. We met in 1976 and became fast friends.....we loved many of the same things, music and singing, the outdoors and most of all the Lord. We loved to worship Him together and it was the most intimate thing we could share. In a world which holds physical love as the key to happiness this may sound very odd. Yet our Lord Jesus, the King of kings and the Lord of lords wants an intimate relationship with us. After our engagement, John told me we were a triangle with God, as we drew closer to Him we would automatically draw closer to each other. He was right! So without John here, I feel the void.
This morning during fellowship we were encouraged to truly worship, to let go of our burdens, and lift our hands to the One who loves us. When I worship I close my eyes, and I focus on the Lord Jesus. I sing with my whole heart and I do not hold back. As I did this morning I saw a throne and He who sat on it rose up and lifted me up and kissed my cheek and forehead. I held my breath and received His love. Oh how He loves us!! It is His love alone that keeps me going.....whether He shows me in worship or through my church family or kids....I am in awe and will always remain in awe...... Is it because I earned it? Never! It is because He IS love.....If you are hurting, He sees, He hears, He knows............you will never know any love as intimate as His.....let Him kiss you today....................
