I heard a great message on Sunday telling again the story of the birth of our Lord but I heard it in such a different way than ever before. And today I felt the Lord bring to me insight into a very important truth we need for our lives.
Some wisemen or learned sages from a distant country had been watching the heavens and saw that a "new star" appeared. We don't know what it is they saw, but it lit up the sky. Searching out why they were led to believe a new king was born. We don't know how long it took, some scholars say two years maybe, yet they travelled on. When their search came to an end they found a simple dwelling, a couple of small means and a babe. What they expected to find I do not know, but I can only guess. A king would be found in a palace or his parents would be rich and affluent, someone very important in the eyes of man. They did not find this and I am sure they were surprised.
God keeps doing things like that, we read it in scripture all the time. He chooses the path that man in his own reasoning would not choose. We read about the strangest of characters in the strangest of circumstances, rejected by men but chosen by God. Why pick them? Why indeed.....maybe when someone has little to lean on and no agenda they are easily led by the Spirit of God. When we have all our eggs in a basket, all our ducks in a row, everything carefully planned out we don't leave room for God to do anything radical in our lives. How many times I thought I knew what the next step was in my life, how God's plan was plain to me and the end predictable. How many times I've had to throw out those plans because the Lord had something different in mind. When John and I left the ministry (as men call it) we had no idea what was ahead but we felt the Lord's leading and we were willing to lose everything to follow Him. As we sought Him daily in prayer and worship we felt a stirring and shared our dreams with each other. I have not shared this yet but two weeks before John went home, we went to the Women's prison as we did monthly. As we drove down Route 114 I looked at the trees and heard this.....You both will go down a path neither of you have travelled before. It will seem so foreign but you must go there....."
At the prison again the Holy Spirit came upon me during worship which caused me to I weep softly. ( I never wept at the prison for we are told to be strict and strong). I had a message prepared but He changed it right in the middle of the singing. Scripture and all was made known to me. He had me share on brokeness. How the notorious sinner came weeping and fell at Jesus feet to wash them with her tears and wipe them with her hair. We spoke about true repentance and understanding our need of a savior. The women responded and some wept as we prayed to receive the Lord Jesus.
As we drove away again the Holy Spirit came upon me and said, "You will go through a time of brokeness." I said in my spirit, but Lord I am so happy, it can't get better than this. As I sat beside my husband I thought of how blessed I was to be walking beside such a godly partner.
Two weeks later I knew what He meant. My secure world (as I saw it) was shattered, all my dreams destroyed.......and what I thought was my life came to an end.........but His world, His dreams, His life was not and if I am His then His life is my life. I began following a star a long long time ago, I thought I knew what I would find.....
If I stayed with the map of my making I would be in despair, without hope. But willing to be led where I have not gone before, to be led by the Morningstar to the place where He dwells, well that will bring an adventure of kingdom proportions. I don't want to miss it. I want to be right in the midst of it, right in the middle of His story.
What an adventure those wisemen of old had. They had it because they were willing to go. They left their comfortable homes and lives and what seemed crazy to all their friends was the greatest experience of their lifetime. If we are willing, we can experience it too.....lets follow His star where it may lead.......Let us hear what the Spirit is saying.....
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Crucified But Alive
Hello beloved,
It has been a difficult time emotionally lately. The season bringing on so many memories of years gone by, it is also my first Christmas living alone. No tree for me, I put up my Nativity in the window for others to see. No smells of baking from my daughter with Christmas music filling the air. I played some the other day and tears kept clouding my eyes.
Today during worship I saw in a vision my hands were pierced as I raised them to the Lord. Then this verse rose up in me,
"I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I but Christ lives in me. And the life that I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God Who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
As I took this in I cried out to the Lord in my heart, Oh Lord, let it be so! No living for myself, but laying my life down for the One who laid His down for me. Oh how I did not seek it, nor do I deserve such a love but it is mine.
I had it demonstrated to me in human form for over 30 years. My husband who laid his life down daily for the Lord by loving the way Christ does was my greatest teacher. How I pray that I can continue in what I have been shown. What fulfillment is there in living for oneself. The Lord showed us the way of greatest joy..... LOVE. He IS Love!
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
I Corinthians 13:4-8
This is what we have been shown, this is what we must show others. We cannot do this in our own strength, but we are not alone, Christ lives in us! And the life that lives in us is the same one that laid it down for the world.
A young man shared the message today. He is going to be married in less than a month and the Lord is challenging him to prefer his bride, to lay his once selfish attitudes down for her. It was so refreshing to hear how the Lord was specific in dealing with him. His honesty was inspiring and it reminded me how my husband still called me his bride right before he went home to be with the Lord. When men came to him about wife troubles he would challenge them with the call of the head of a household. He'd say, "You want to be the head? Like Christ is the head of the church? Then lay down your life and die...." This does not give the woman headship, it gives her an example to do the same.
I was led daily to the cross by John. May we go there daily and lead others there as well......if we do the world will know Him.
In a day of hurried angry souls, let us remember (as the young man said today) we are His ambassadors. You and I have been given the greatest gift, lets pass it on.......
It has been a difficult time emotionally lately. The season bringing on so many memories of years gone by, it is also my first Christmas living alone. No tree for me, I put up my Nativity in the window for others to see. No smells of baking from my daughter with Christmas music filling the air. I played some the other day and tears kept clouding my eyes.
Today during worship I saw in a vision my hands were pierced as I raised them to the Lord. Then this verse rose up in me,
"I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I but Christ lives in me. And the life that I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God Who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
As I took this in I cried out to the Lord in my heart, Oh Lord, let it be so! No living for myself, but laying my life down for the One who laid His down for me. Oh how I did not seek it, nor do I deserve such a love but it is mine.
I had it demonstrated to me in human form for over 30 years. My husband who laid his life down daily for the Lord by loving the way Christ does was my greatest teacher. How I pray that I can continue in what I have been shown. What fulfillment is there in living for oneself. The Lord showed us the way of greatest joy..... LOVE. He IS Love!
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
I Corinthians 13:4-8
This is what we have been shown, this is what we must show others. We cannot do this in our own strength, but we are not alone, Christ lives in us! And the life that lives in us is the same one that laid it down for the world.
A young man shared the message today. He is going to be married in less than a month and the Lord is challenging him to prefer his bride, to lay his once selfish attitudes down for her. It was so refreshing to hear how the Lord was specific in dealing with him. His honesty was inspiring and it reminded me how my husband still called me his bride right before he went home to be with the Lord. When men came to him about wife troubles he would challenge them with the call of the head of a household. He'd say, "You want to be the head? Like Christ is the head of the church? Then lay down your life and die...." This does not give the woman headship, it gives her an example to do the same.
I was led daily to the cross by John. May we go there daily and lead others there as well......if we do the world will know Him.
In a day of hurried angry souls, let us remember (as the young man said today) we are His ambassadors. You and I have been given the greatest gift, lets pass it on.......
Sunday, November 11, 2012
A New Creation
Hello my friends, I am so glad that I finally have a desktop computer. It has been difficult to write on my netbook all these months. My son went with me yesterday to pick it out and he set me up. How grateful I am for my children.
Today I want to write to you about how full my heart is. I go early to my fellowship to pray before the meeting. It is a quiet time to be still and empty our hearts and minds of any clutter that will keep us from truly focusing on the Lord. I have to do it everyday because I have a mind that will keep on going even when my body stops. My thoughts can even keep me from sleeping, eating and, hearing. If I can describe it, it is like riding a train and having to jump off to slow down. So quiet and meditation in the Lord is vital for me. As we began to worship I was lifted to another place, outside this world. I sang with my whole heart and praised with earnest. I've been studying and reading on the Holy Spirit, and Oh how I am grateful for Him. When I feel I cannot go on, He comes to me and lifts me to this other place that is beyond my human strength or understanding. Like the refreshing wind after a hot spell, or finding cool water in an arid desert, or like the light of a fire on a dark night, He is all this and so much more.
A young sister rose up and shared the Word of the Lord and danced. Oh how beautiful and uplifting and encouraging was her word and the dance was a reflection of the deep work of the Lord in her and in us. It does not matter the age of the person in front of me, I am always amazed at God's grace coming to me through them. Whether they have known the Lord for years or just met Him, I am tearfully grateful for God's mighty work shown through them. Just stop and think where you came from, where were you when the Lord saved you? In what condition? Oh how patient He is with us, and how committed He is to us. We never have to worry about Him giving up on us when we have blown it. How many times I have failed I could never recount, but this I know, my God is for me and His number one aim is to make me like Him. I am not who I was........
When we open ourselves to His Spirit, He does what no man can do. I've seen miraculous transformations as He pours His Spirit in a human life. The joy and peace and love is beyond imagination. It is not something that is learned, or counseled into being. It is totally spiritual, not produced by human hands or the cleverest of minds. I love to watch it happen, it never gets old to me. To see a soul who was once in torment, bound in sin, selfish and rebellious in nature, turn to the Living Savior Jesus Christ becoming a new creature. Are we perfect? No, but we are definitely not who we were before. We are born again, not of this world. Our desires and passions have changed, our direction in life has changed, our understanding is changed, even our countenance is changed. We begin this new life with the greatest power in the universe within us.
Now we can go out into this dark world, holding out this glorious hope. We will meet with hatred and opposition from those who want to debate our faith. You can go the route of arguing doctrine, splitting hairs on theology but they cannot deny a changed heart and life. Our testimony is a powerful demonstration of His Presence. When was the last time you shared yours? I read an email today I received as a result of John's passing. It came from someone I had been sharing the Gospel with. He came to the memorial service and gave his life to Christ. He was moved by the testimonies of John's life and desired to experience it himself. What joy I had when I read this! There is only one thing that gives me more joy than being filled with His Holy Spirit, it is to see another soul saved and filled.
Do not forget where you came from, do not forget what Christ Jesus has done for you. Be filled daily with His Holy Spirit and overflow on another soul and watch the miracle happen again......
Today I want to write to you about how full my heart is. I go early to my fellowship to pray before the meeting. It is a quiet time to be still and empty our hearts and minds of any clutter that will keep us from truly focusing on the Lord. I have to do it everyday because I have a mind that will keep on going even when my body stops. My thoughts can even keep me from sleeping, eating and, hearing. If I can describe it, it is like riding a train and having to jump off to slow down. So quiet and meditation in the Lord is vital for me. As we began to worship I was lifted to another place, outside this world. I sang with my whole heart and praised with earnest. I've been studying and reading on the Holy Spirit, and Oh how I am grateful for Him. When I feel I cannot go on, He comes to me and lifts me to this other place that is beyond my human strength or understanding. Like the refreshing wind after a hot spell, or finding cool water in an arid desert, or like the light of a fire on a dark night, He is all this and so much more.
A young sister rose up and shared the Word of the Lord and danced. Oh how beautiful and uplifting and encouraging was her word and the dance was a reflection of the deep work of the Lord in her and in us. It does not matter the age of the person in front of me, I am always amazed at God's grace coming to me through them. Whether they have known the Lord for years or just met Him, I am tearfully grateful for God's mighty work shown through them. Just stop and think where you came from, where were you when the Lord saved you? In what condition? Oh how patient He is with us, and how committed He is to us. We never have to worry about Him giving up on us when we have blown it. How many times I have failed I could never recount, but this I know, my God is for me and His number one aim is to make me like Him. I am not who I was........
When we open ourselves to His Spirit, He does what no man can do. I've seen miraculous transformations as He pours His Spirit in a human life. The joy and peace and love is beyond imagination. It is not something that is learned, or counseled into being. It is totally spiritual, not produced by human hands or the cleverest of minds. I love to watch it happen, it never gets old to me. To see a soul who was once in torment, bound in sin, selfish and rebellious in nature, turn to the Living Savior Jesus Christ becoming a new creature. Are we perfect? No, but we are definitely not who we were before. We are born again, not of this world. Our desires and passions have changed, our direction in life has changed, our understanding is changed, even our countenance is changed. We begin this new life with the greatest power in the universe within us.
Now we can go out into this dark world, holding out this glorious hope. We will meet with hatred and opposition from those who want to debate our faith. You can go the route of arguing doctrine, splitting hairs on theology but they cannot deny a changed heart and life. Our testimony is a powerful demonstration of His Presence. When was the last time you shared yours? I read an email today I received as a result of John's passing. It came from someone I had been sharing the Gospel with. He came to the memorial service and gave his life to Christ. He was moved by the testimonies of John's life and desired to experience it himself. What joy I had when I read this! There is only one thing that gives me more joy than being filled with His Holy Spirit, it is to see another soul saved and filled.
Do not forget where you came from, do not forget what Christ Jesus has done for you. Be filled daily with His Holy Spirit and overflow on another soul and watch the miracle happen again......
Sunday, October 21, 2012
More Than The Watchman
As the fall is coming quickly to an end, and I mean quickly....the days are getting shorter and shorter. With the cold comes the desire to hibernate ;). It had become harder and harder to get up in the morning and I would grab my iphone to wake me up in bed. I could hear the Lord (but tried to convince myself that it wasn't the Lord) say, "I want to be first". My time with Him was getting shorter and shorter and I was suffering for it. The heaviness that I have been feeling since John's parting only got more difficult. Then one of the elders shared how the Lord was disciplining him since the first thing he did in the morning was put on his computer. The Lord was saying the same thing, "I want to be first." . I was completely convicted, went home and resigned out of every game and got up an hour earlier. I wish I could tell you that the Lord made it easy but that is not the case. When I rise, my body shouts, "NO, GO BACK TO BED!". It is even still dark outside. But I have been fighting through because of my deep need, and the thirst the Lord has put in me for His voice. He makes me wait till the end to speak many times. I hear, "will you not wait with me one hour?", "Are you hungry enough to stay still?" After a few weeks I began to hear Him again more clearly and He has been confirming it as well. Here is an example.....
In the last two years I have heard this verse quoted to me so many times I've lost count. "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." While I had a moment of pause during the day, I felt the Lord open it up to me. He told me that the tears are not the seed for sowing. It was for those who are going through difficult hard places and find themselves broken and weeping, to not stop sowing the good seed. There are many who stop all sowing, they discontinue fellowship, worship, study of the Word.They stop listening to the Lord and obeying what He directs. They do not minister or encourage anyone. They are in pain and it has taken over their lives. We will always have pain and trial in this life....this is not our home. But there is one thing we can do, we can continue to speak God's Word and encourage each other to seek Him and wait on Him. From this comes life, eternal life and it brings forth a harvest. After He spoke this to me, I woke up the next morning and He directed me to one of my devotional books (which I never read in the morning, only in the evening). There are 365 devotions in it and thousands of scriptures to write, but there in print was the verse,"they that sow in tears shall reap in joy" and the same explanation almost word for word that he spoke to me! I HEAR You Lord! Yes Lord, I will continue to sow. I continue daily to rise early and wait on Him, desiring so deeply to hear Him and let Him fill me. I cannot survive without Him. We must press in! We need the Holy Spirit just as much as the early church did. He is our teacher, guide, and the power behind this kingdom life. Here is the verse and its next in full...
"Those that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes to and fro weeping, bearing a bag of seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with shouts of joy bringing his sheaves with him." Psalm 126:5,6
There is reward in the seeking. There are sooooo many distractions, we have to fight them off. But once we are in, we will be refreshed, empowered and our hearts will be filled once again full of seed for sowing into the lives of others. I cannot give what I don't have....... So the time alone with Him is vital. I am getting up now expectant of what the Lord will speak, hungering and watching .......
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I do hope. My soul waits for the
Lord more than the watchman who waits for the morning, yes more than those who wait for the morning." Psalm 130:5,6
He is there waiting for you.........................
In the last two years I have heard this verse quoted to me so many times I've lost count. "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." While I had a moment of pause during the day, I felt the Lord open it up to me. He told me that the tears are not the seed for sowing. It was for those who are going through difficult hard places and find themselves broken and weeping, to not stop sowing the good seed. There are many who stop all sowing, they discontinue fellowship, worship, study of the Word.They stop listening to the Lord and obeying what He directs. They do not minister or encourage anyone. They are in pain and it has taken over their lives. We will always have pain and trial in this life....this is not our home. But there is one thing we can do, we can continue to speak God's Word and encourage each other to seek Him and wait on Him. From this comes life, eternal life and it brings forth a harvest. After He spoke this to me, I woke up the next morning and He directed me to one of my devotional books (which I never read in the morning, only in the evening). There are 365 devotions in it and thousands of scriptures to write, but there in print was the verse,"they that sow in tears shall reap in joy" and the same explanation almost word for word that he spoke to me! I HEAR You Lord! Yes Lord, I will continue to sow. I continue daily to rise early and wait on Him, desiring so deeply to hear Him and let Him fill me. I cannot survive without Him. We must press in! We need the Holy Spirit just as much as the early church did. He is our teacher, guide, and the power behind this kingdom life. Here is the verse and its next in full...
"Those that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes to and fro weeping, bearing a bag of seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with shouts of joy bringing his sheaves with him." Psalm 126:5,6
There is reward in the seeking. There are sooooo many distractions, we have to fight them off. But once we are in, we will be refreshed, empowered and our hearts will be filled once again full of seed for sowing into the lives of others. I cannot give what I don't have....... So the time alone with Him is vital. I am getting up now expectant of what the Lord will speak, hungering and watching .......
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I do hope. My soul waits for the
Lord more than the watchman who waits for the morning, yes more than those who wait for the morning." Psalm 130:5,6
He is there waiting for you.........................
Monday, October 8, 2012
Not Alone
I know it has been awhile since I wrote.......I always said I would write more when it settled down. Well now it has. My daughter is married and it was a glorious day full of the blessing of the Lord. The weather report looked bleak and with an outside ceremony I heard many saying, what is plan B? Well I prayed and had peace, and though the day before was rainy all day, on the 9th of September the sun came out. As my daughter and her new husband had communion together a tape played with my husband singing "Oh the Blood". There were many tears but as I watched I thought of the legacy my dear John left me. Here I was a wild and crazy girl of 18, very much in love with Jesus with no interest in dating. There was John so steady and peaceful but also very much in love with Jesus. So naturally did our friendship happen and as we spent many hours in prayer and worship together our love grew for one another. I never dreamed I would be the wife of such a wonderful man. I never dreamed I would be the mother of 3, and the grandmother of 5! And knowing I was always loved, so loved by him.The pain of separation remains always and it increases when a person thinks they are helping me by suggesting I date again. I don't even see myself as single, I don't feel free in that sense. I have always belonged to Jesus, and now I am His even more. All our lives have purpose and are a journey to Him, not a group of random events. We shouldn't be looking for the easiest path, the one that will feed our earthly nature. Our journey is a heavenly one, and every choice presented to us should be submitted to the One who bought us and redeemed us to Himself. John & I prayed and sought the Lord's will. It was His will we marry and serve together. Our relationship was always founded on our love for Jesus Christ, and as we worshiped & prayed together daily we were drawn ever closer. I still hear him and feel him and dream about him. The best way I can describe it is to share what my grandson said one day. I was pointing to a picture of John and telling him that he was in heaven with Jesus. Later I told him Jesus was in his heart and he jumped and pointed to my heart and said, "Pepere". I stopped and thought, "Yes", I said,"Pepere and Jesus live in my heart". What a gift I have been given! As I gazed at my daughter and new son-in-law , my son, his wife and their 4 children, my other son and his son, I felt the wedding band I gave my husband 32 years ago around my neck and thought what a life I have been given. It is not time to look for "another" but in gratefulness live out what time I have left declaring the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I seek the Lord daily for His will to be done in my life more than anything. He comes in His manifest Presence and I am not alone.......Jesus & John will always live with me.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
His Name
With all the wedding plans going on in full swing, it has stirred up many memories. It all seems unbelievable that it was me planning my wedding 32 years ago to my beloved John. It has all gone by so fast! There is one memory that I shared with a friend recently and it stirred something in me and I would like to share it with you.....
The day of the wedding as John and I drove off to our honeymoon, I noticed a gift on the back seat of our car. I asked John if he decided to bring one of the wedding presents with us to open and he just smiled. So I asked, "Is it a present for me?", He answered yes. I was surprised with all the hubbub of the wedding that he got me a present at all. He reached out back and gave it to me eagerly. I opened it and found a beautiful leather bound bible with the name, Celeste E Fortin, engraved on it. (I keep it by my bed) I was so blessed and he was too for he was so excited to give me his name, Fortin. Often in the years that followed he would greet me with, "Well Helllooo Mrs. Fortin" and I hearing his voice say it would respond in love. Even at 30 years he would call me his bride. I felt so privileged to be called Mrs. John Fortin and will forever be grateful that he shared it with me.
So this is what came to me in prayer yesterday. We who are in Christ are called His bride and He has given us His Name, Jesus! With that name come so many privileges. We can call on Him at any time to meet any need. We can sing it in worship, we can speak it in prayer, we can share it in our witness, we can call it in power to overcome the enemy......It gives Him so much Joy to give us His name.....
I have said that name so often..... Jesus is alive and He will forever be my savior, my rock, my healer, my deliverer, my hiding place, my hope, my Beloved One who loves me more than I can comprehend. I will not have an earthly love again that would ever replace the one I shared with John, that I know because I have a heavenly one that fills my loneliness like no other. No matter what I face the rest of my life, Jesus Christ will be there for me, my covering and husband forever. Now more than ever I realize my need and the gift of His Name......
The day of the wedding as John and I drove off to our honeymoon, I noticed a gift on the back seat of our car. I asked John if he decided to bring one of the wedding presents with us to open and he just smiled. So I asked, "Is it a present for me?", He answered yes. I was surprised with all the hubbub of the wedding that he got me a present at all. He reached out back and gave it to me eagerly. I opened it and found a beautiful leather bound bible with the name, Celeste E Fortin, engraved on it. (I keep it by my bed) I was so blessed and he was too for he was so excited to give me his name, Fortin. Often in the years that followed he would greet me with, "Well Helllooo Mrs. Fortin" and I hearing his voice say it would respond in love. Even at 30 years he would call me his bride. I felt so privileged to be called Mrs. John Fortin and will forever be grateful that he shared it with me.
So this is what came to me in prayer yesterday. We who are in Christ are called His bride and He has given us His Name, Jesus! With that name come so many privileges. We can call on Him at any time to meet any need. We can sing it in worship, we can speak it in prayer, we can share it in our witness, we can call it in power to overcome the enemy......It gives Him so much Joy to give us His name.....
I have said that name so often..... Jesus is alive and He will forever be my savior, my rock, my healer, my deliverer, my hiding place, my hope, my Beloved One who loves me more than I can comprehend. I will not have an earthly love again that would ever replace the one I shared with John, that I know because I have a heavenly one that fills my loneliness like no other. No matter what I face the rest of my life, Jesus Christ will be there for me, my covering and husband forever. Now more than ever I realize my need and the gift of His Name......
Monday, June 25, 2012
The Former Things
I have a wedding coming up, my only daughter is getting married in September and it is quite the project. I am determined despite the pain I feel being without John, to make this a joyful celebration. Life goes on.....those of us who lose the closest person in our lives may feel like life is on hold, but for everyone else it is going forward.....
During prayer and worship yesterday the Lord led me to Paul's declaration in Philippians Chapter 3:7-14. Please take the time to read it. I would like to highlight these verses for now....
vs 13,14 : "Brethren I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus"
I felt His pull on my broken heart again, so during worship I saw a waterfall and I was standing in front of it with my hands under the flow, He was beckoning me to stand under it and let it cover me. Then I heard Him say, "Former glories, former defeats,...you will not hear me recount them to you. You must not recount them to Me."
Then I felt Him show me that as long if I lived in the past, I would miss the present. He is eternal, His kingdom is eternal, ever alive and active. I must live in Him now, keep my eyes on Him so I will not miss what He is doing now. Ever seeing Him so I can hear His voice and respond in the moment to His will. The message at our church meeting spoke about Jesus weeping over Jerusalem, He said,
Luke 19:42,44 "If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace!..........they will not leave one stone upon another, because you did not know the time of your visitation."
Jesus the Messiah was in their midst! And they missed it because they were looking back. In the recent months I have met with many people who remember the large church we were all a part of. Some remember it with longing, some with pain and disappointment but whichever it is, it is still looking back. "Anyone who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God." Luke 9:62
I don't want to miss what the Lord is doing now. I want to be an active part of His will & purpose for this hour. Despite the loneliness and pain I feel daily, I ask the Lord to use me for His glory. He knows I have many memories, wonderful memories and painful ones. They will always be a part of my life and I will allow them to teach me, but I will not be bound by them to the point of keeping me from pressing on in Him. Don't let the glories of the past put pride in your heart for today, or the hurts of the past be a chain holding you back. Forgive the hurts, lay your crowns at His feet, and seek Him today, now.....don't wait, don't put it off to tomorrow. He is here, He is now.
Be free, let go, press on, look to Him and watch Him live in you today......I love you all.....
During prayer and worship yesterday the Lord led me to Paul's declaration in Philippians Chapter 3:7-14. Please take the time to read it. I would like to highlight these verses for now....
vs 13,14 : "Brethren I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus"
I felt His pull on my broken heart again, so during worship I saw a waterfall and I was standing in front of it with my hands under the flow, He was beckoning me to stand under it and let it cover me. Then I heard Him say, "Former glories, former defeats,...you will not hear me recount them to you. You must not recount them to Me."
Then I felt Him show me that as long if I lived in the past, I would miss the present. He is eternal, His kingdom is eternal, ever alive and active. I must live in Him now, keep my eyes on Him so I will not miss what He is doing now. Ever seeing Him so I can hear His voice and respond in the moment to His will. The message at our church meeting spoke about Jesus weeping over Jerusalem, He said,
Luke 19:42,44 "If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace!..........they will not leave one stone upon another, because you did not know the time of your visitation."
Jesus the Messiah was in their midst! And they missed it because they were looking back. In the recent months I have met with many people who remember the large church we were all a part of. Some remember it with longing, some with pain and disappointment but whichever it is, it is still looking back. "Anyone who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God." Luke 9:62
I don't want to miss what the Lord is doing now. I want to be an active part of His will & purpose for this hour. Despite the loneliness and pain I feel daily, I ask the Lord to use me for His glory. He knows I have many memories, wonderful memories and painful ones. They will always be a part of my life and I will allow them to teach me, but I will not be bound by them to the point of keeping me from pressing on in Him. Don't let the glories of the past put pride in your heart for today, or the hurts of the past be a chain holding you back. Forgive the hurts, lay your crowns at His feet, and seek Him today, now.....don't wait, don't put it off to tomorrow. He is here, He is now.
Be free, let go, press on, look to Him and watch Him live in you today......I love you all.....
Friday, May 4, 2012
True Ministry
Tonight I will let my husband speak. I am copying this from his journal as he wrote it, including the punctuation and caps.
March 11, 1986
" What is our goal as sons and daughters of God? Well certainly it is to go to the ends of the earth. Certainly it is to love one another and serve one another. But what is the basis upon which we do this? What is the springboard that propels us into ministry? IT IS CONFORMITY TO THE IMAGE OF JESUS! IT IS BECOMING LIKE HIM!! Ps. 17:15, Mark 3:14, Ps. 103:7 "They looked to Him and were radiant" (scripture) It is not what we do that ministers. It is not what we know that ministers, it is what we are that ministers. You do not impart what you do, or what you know, you impart what you are! (Titus 1:7)
The doing comes out of the being. THIS AND ONLY THIS IS TRUE MINISTRY!"
Thank you John, for not only believing this but living it. In a world that puts so much emphasis on how we appear to others, or what we accomplish in the sight of others, you showed me Jesus everyday in so many ways. I was privileged to have been a daily witness......Oh yes John, you truly ministered.......
March 11, 1986
" What is our goal as sons and daughters of God? Well certainly it is to go to the ends of the earth. Certainly it is to love one another and serve one another. But what is the basis upon which we do this? What is the springboard that propels us into ministry? IT IS CONFORMITY TO THE IMAGE OF JESUS! IT IS BECOMING LIKE HIM!! Ps. 17:15, Mark 3:14, Ps. 103:7 "They looked to Him and were radiant" (scripture) It is not what we do that ministers. It is not what we know that ministers, it is what we are that ministers. You do not impart what you do, or what you know, you impart what you are! (Titus 1:7)
The doing comes out of the being. THIS AND ONLY THIS IS TRUE MINISTRY!"
Thank you John, for not only believing this but living it. In a world that puts so much emphasis on how we appear to others, or what we accomplish in the sight of others, you showed me Jesus everyday in so many ways. I was privileged to have been a daily witness......Oh yes John, you truly ministered.......
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Story of Stories
Today I had the pleasure of teaching Sunday School to the children of our small congregation. I say "teach" in the most humble sense, since it is they who teach me....... Of course I continued the lesson on the Crucifixion and Resurrection of our Lord from last week. I LOVE speaking about the story of stories. The foundation of our faith lies completely on this. That despite pain and death, there is this Hope that cannot be contained. JESUS IS RISEN!
As I asked what each symbol meant, the children eagerly shot up their hands wanting to tell their part. Until we got to the last one, (an egg contained each symbol) It was empty!! After dying such a painful death, our Lord rose again and conquered sin and death! And an empty tomb remains.....
We talked about the Temple and the curtain, separating us from God and how it was torn. We who could not enter can now freely come into the very Presence of God! Then one of the elders came down and we were told to come back up to the main room with the adults, it is then we witnessed a miracle.......
A young woman who I have the pleasure to work with, got up to share a dance. Knowing some of her background and the enormous fear that once gripped her, I watched in awe....She used to come and cower in the shadows hardly ever uttering a word. Hurts from the past tried to keep her bound. I walk with her almost everyday at lunch and we share our love for Jesus freely and like a flower coming to bloom, I have watched her coming out. She testified, then danced like a powerful angel, bursting forth in joy and freedom. I jumped inside and stood to shout at the end along with the rest of the congregation, Alleluia!! Because He is risen, His resurrection power continues to raise us up even from the lowest depths. I received this week a verse from Him, and in it His healing power. No matter what we face, He lives to get us through it. I can testify to that truth. His story doesn't change, it won't, it will ever be our cure, our answer, our hope.....
Here is the verse....
"The sun shall no longer be your light by day, nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you; but the Lord will be to you an everlasting light, and your God your glory. Your sun shall no longer go down, nor shall your moon withdraw itself; for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and the days of your mourning shall be ended" Isaiah 60:19,20
I feel His joy once again, I am breathing again......Jesus King of my heart forever!
As I asked what each symbol meant, the children eagerly shot up their hands wanting to tell their part. Until we got to the last one, (an egg contained each symbol) It was empty!! After dying such a painful death, our Lord rose again and conquered sin and death! And an empty tomb remains.....
We talked about the Temple and the curtain, separating us from God and how it was torn. We who could not enter can now freely come into the very Presence of God! Then one of the elders came down and we were told to come back up to the main room with the adults, it is then we witnessed a miracle.......
A young woman who I have the pleasure to work with, got up to share a dance. Knowing some of her background and the enormous fear that once gripped her, I watched in awe....She used to come and cower in the shadows hardly ever uttering a word. Hurts from the past tried to keep her bound. I walk with her almost everyday at lunch and we share our love for Jesus freely and like a flower coming to bloom, I have watched her coming out. She testified, then danced like a powerful angel, bursting forth in joy and freedom. I jumped inside and stood to shout at the end along with the rest of the congregation, Alleluia!! Because He is risen, His resurrection power continues to raise us up even from the lowest depths. I received this week a verse from Him, and in it His healing power. No matter what we face, He lives to get us through it. I can testify to that truth. His story doesn't change, it won't, it will ever be our cure, our answer, our hope.....
Here is the verse....
"The sun shall no longer be your light by day, nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you; but the Lord will be to you an everlasting light, and your God your glory. Your sun shall no longer go down, nor shall your moon withdraw itself; for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and the days of your mourning shall be ended" Isaiah 60:19,20
I feel His joy once again, I am breathing again......Jesus King of my heart forever!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Nightlight
The other evening I was having a difficult moment when it was time to go to bed. It usually is (a difficult moment) since being alone is something new for me. At night I face the memories of the past and the fears that try to overcome me about the future. I have felt like an elephant has been sitting on my chest. I don't think I could sigh any deeper as I gaze at my husbands picture by my bed. As this happened again, I asked the Lord to speak to me, I usually get my bible and wait on Him or browse at the Psalms. I took out a book I have been reading slowly, since it is written by a christian brother who lost some loved ones in an accident, in fact 3 persons. He challenged me to face the darkness I feel at times and not to run from it. Our tendency is to fill the hours with activity to keep us numb from the pain. So this was one of those opportunities to not run away. As I waited the Lord brought me to a vivid memory from my childhood. I would sleep occasionally at my grandparents apartment which was in a large, very old building. They had the second and part of the third floor. When it was time to go to bed I would go up the narrow stairwell as my grandfather would watch me. As I got to the top I would ask him to come up and turn the light on in the bedroom for me. He would gruffly reply that he was not going to come up for that and I could do it myself. (He raised 4 boys during the depression and WWII, he had to be tough.) Now you are thinking.....what was the big deal? Well my friend....if you are older like myself, you will remember the light switches were much of the time a string hanging from a light bulb in the middle of the room. With my heart beating wildly, I would run in, thrash my arms in the air so I could find the string and get that light on as soon as possible. I was so afraid of the dark and at the age of 8 still believing in ghosts and whatnot. I would find the light and all was well, no goblins to eat me. As this flashback came to me, I laughed, and thought of my Father in heaven looking on as I beg Him to turn the light on for me in my most difficult of trials. He so patiently lets me know that I can turn the light on myself because He has provided it while facing my grown up goblins with the strength that He has given me by His Spirit. The power is His, the choice is mine. Do I run away and hide or realize that there is nothing to fear. I felt a warm embrace from His Presence, praised and thanked Him for all His tender care, rolled over and peacefully shut the light.............Jesus You are my "nightlight".
"For You will light my lamp, the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness"
Psalm 18:28
"He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and broke their chains in pieces."
Psalm 107:14
"Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness...."
Psalm 112:4
"If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me", even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the
darkness shall not hide from You, but the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both
alike to You."
Psalm 139:11,12
"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; Those who dwelt in the land of the
shadow of death, upon them a light has shined."
Isaiah 9:2, Matthew 4:16
"For You will light my lamp, the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness"
Psalm 18:28
"He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and broke their chains in pieces."
Psalm 107:14
"Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness...."
Psalm 112:4
"If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me", even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the
darkness shall not hide from You, but the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both
alike to You."
Psalm 139:11,12
"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; Those who dwelt in the land of the
shadow of death, upon them a light has shined."
Isaiah 9:2, Matthew 4:16
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Ruined
It is late but I cannot sleep till I write this....I had a dream a few weeks ago that has stayed with me. My husband was in it and without giving all the details, I just want to share one part. As he fell to the ground looking like he was in pain, I immediately fell beside him begging him to tell me how I could help him. He spoke these words...."I need the Potter's report.....". There was more but those words kept coming to me, how odd. You know how we dream some crazy things sometimes and I ignore a lot of it. But this bothered me. What did that mean? So I searched with some friends in scripture and on line to see what I would find. I came to Jeremiah to the well known verses about the Potter's House and this morning I felt clarity.....one verse in particular jumped out at me.....
The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying:2 “Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause you to hear My words.” 3 Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. 4 And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. Jeremiah 18:1-4
Who is the Potter? The Lord.... What am I? The clay. The Potter was making a vessel and it was "marred" or as the Hebrew meaning is, "ruined". I stared at this for awhile......it was the Potter that ruined the vessel and made another as it seemed good to Him. I have had to look at my life and see a complete change in it. I have felt so broken at times I felt I was ruined. This vessel was not ruined by life, by circumstances, by people, places or things....it was ruined by the Potter. But why? for what purpose? To be made into another vessel......
There are many brothers and sisters who are going through life changing experiences, that have left them so broken. The trials are painful, tiring, traumatic to the point of exhaustion and the temptation to give up is ever looming. How we see the Maker and how we see ourselves is key to going the distance. I saw it again in this verse. My Lord has me in His hands and is the One forming me. His goal is not to keep me from all the force of the Potter's wheel, or to work around all the deformities in me but to work them out. To constantly keep me pliable and remove from me all that is in the way. He wants to make "another vessel as it seems good to Him". He is not asking me for my opinion, (though I offer it often)....I want the painless, easy way....I want to be coddled at times. This will not do, He is committed to showing me all the "sins and weights that so easily beset me" (Hebrews 12). Yes I am forgiven, washed in the blood, by this alone I can stand before God. Yet I can see that I am far from perfection, nor do I excuse myself from pursuing to be like Him. Like Paul I want to press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.... (Phil 3). There is more, so much more than what I have experienced, so much more to grasp. I have felt despair like never before, a magnificent obsession has taken hold of me. If He has ruined us then He is making another vessel....as it seems good to Him. It is not about us, it is about Him. That is my greatest fault, making it about me.......no matter how hard the trial, no matter how ruined we feel, may we believe that He is ever committed to finishing what He has begun...............all for His Glory and His Honor....
I would like to see in heaven, and would wish to hear the Lord giving my husband "the Potter's Report". "It is good John, she may be ruined but she is soft clay in my hands and I am making something altogether new." Oh Lord, may it be so! All for You!
The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying:2 “Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause you to hear My words.” 3 Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. 4 And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. Jeremiah 18:1-4
Who is the Potter? The Lord.... What am I? The clay. The Potter was making a vessel and it was "marred" or as the Hebrew meaning is, "ruined". I stared at this for awhile......it was the Potter that ruined the vessel and made another as it seemed good to Him. I have had to look at my life and see a complete change in it. I have felt so broken at times I felt I was ruined. This vessel was not ruined by life, by circumstances, by people, places or things....it was ruined by the Potter. But why? for what purpose? To be made into another vessel......
There are many brothers and sisters who are going through life changing experiences, that have left them so broken. The trials are painful, tiring, traumatic to the point of exhaustion and the temptation to give up is ever looming. How we see the Maker and how we see ourselves is key to going the distance. I saw it again in this verse. My Lord has me in His hands and is the One forming me. His goal is not to keep me from all the force of the Potter's wheel, or to work around all the deformities in me but to work them out. To constantly keep me pliable and remove from me all that is in the way. He wants to make "another vessel as it seems good to Him". He is not asking me for my opinion, (though I offer it often)....I want the painless, easy way....I want to be coddled at times. This will not do, He is committed to showing me all the "sins and weights that so easily beset me" (Hebrews 12). Yes I am forgiven, washed in the blood, by this alone I can stand before God. Yet I can see that I am far from perfection, nor do I excuse myself from pursuing to be like Him. Like Paul I want to press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.... (Phil 3). There is more, so much more than what I have experienced, so much more to grasp. I have felt despair like never before, a magnificent obsession has taken hold of me. If He has ruined us then He is making another vessel....as it seems good to Him. It is not about us, it is about Him. That is my greatest fault, making it about me.......no matter how hard the trial, no matter how ruined we feel, may we believe that He is ever committed to finishing what He has begun...............all for His Glory and His Honor....
I would like to see in heaven, and would wish to hear the Lord giving my husband "the Potter's Report". "It is good John, she may be ruined but she is soft clay in my hands and I am making something altogether new." Oh Lord, may it be so! All for You!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The Bride
I found another picture the other day of my husband among his family photos taken at our wedding. It was a side view of him taken at the church. He was wearing all white and looking back at me while I was walking down the aisle. The look on his face was sheer content and desire. I held the picture in my hands and cried. I remembered feeling so privileged and honored that he would want to share his life with me, with me! If you had seen me, I was nothing great to look at. I was as skinny and scrawny as a twig, ( no shape). I wore no make up, (I was a "hippie"), the dress I got was from a clearance rack, the smallest they could find and it still had to be taken in everywhere. I had crooked front teeth (I only got braces when I was pregnant for my 3rd child :). What did he see? As I relayed this to a friend of mine and her daughter....the daughter remarked, "you didn't where make-up?" I replied no since I didn't where it any other time.... So I asked again, What did he see in me? The friend replied, "Your heart!!". I stopped and felt a God moment....
John made me feel like I was the best thing to happen to him. He knew me, all my faults and weaknesses and yet He loved me so very well...when I feel lonely for him and ache in my heart at my loss, I stop and revel in the knowledge that I was cherished so......
I see a picture here, one of us, the bride....not much to look at on the outside but here is our Savior, our Lord Jesus gazing at us from the throne with such desire and love. He is perfect, and we are not. What does He see? Despite what we look like, He is waiting and wanting us. Oh such a love!!
No matter how beautiful the bride or groom, there are not certainties here that the marriage will last....we have seen so many break ups haven't we? It is not what is seen that will last......those of us who have grown older see the effects of that on our bodies.... :).... the wedding dress doesn't fit most of us anymore either. Yet after many years, (almost thirty), my heart would still skip a beat when I knew I was going home to see my John. And my heart beats fervently for the One who knows me best and loves me best, My Lord Jesus. That deep revelation is needed in the church today. If we stopped all our busyness, spent time alone in His Presence we would be amazed at such desire from One so Holy and Good. It would make us lay aside all the distractions, and trifle pleasures of this life and concentrate on the one purpose we were made for....JESUS. Yes! He is our reason for living and He is our fulfillment. After returning home from my friend's that night, I wept before my Lord with such gratefulness. I wish I had John before me often. Sometimes I sigh so deep that it makes my heart physically hurt. But if this trial brings me to a place to share truth and comfort to a hurting and lost world (including the church) then so be it. What else is there in life to compare with the magnificent overwhelming Grace of our God. What better purpose is there then to array myself in the white He purchased for me and walk down life's road to meet Him at the throne.....to be one with Him. This is our greatest privilege and honor........may we stop and revel.....
John made me feel like I was the best thing to happen to him. He knew me, all my faults and weaknesses and yet He loved me so very well...when I feel lonely for him and ache in my heart at my loss, I stop and revel in the knowledge that I was cherished so......
I see a picture here, one of us, the bride....not much to look at on the outside but here is our Savior, our Lord Jesus gazing at us from the throne with such desire and love. He is perfect, and we are not. What does He see? Despite what we look like, He is waiting and wanting us. Oh such a love!!
No matter how beautiful the bride or groom, there are not certainties here that the marriage will last....we have seen so many break ups haven't we? It is not what is seen that will last......those of us who have grown older see the effects of that on our bodies.... :).... the wedding dress doesn't fit most of us anymore either. Yet after many years, (almost thirty), my heart would still skip a beat when I knew I was going home to see my John. And my heart beats fervently for the One who knows me best and loves me best, My Lord Jesus. That deep revelation is needed in the church today. If we stopped all our busyness, spent time alone in His Presence we would be amazed at such desire from One so Holy and Good. It would make us lay aside all the distractions, and trifle pleasures of this life and concentrate on the one purpose we were made for....JESUS. Yes! He is our reason for living and He is our fulfillment. After returning home from my friend's that night, I wept before my Lord with such gratefulness. I wish I had John before me often. Sometimes I sigh so deep that it makes my heart physically hurt. But if this trial brings me to a place to share truth and comfort to a hurting and lost world (including the church) then so be it. What else is there in life to compare with the magnificent overwhelming Grace of our God. What better purpose is there then to array myself in the white He purchased for me and walk down life's road to meet Him at the throne.....to be one with Him. This is our greatest privilege and honor........may we stop and revel.....
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