Change

      Well I just got back from Florida....after this long winter of snow and ice, the warm sun and swimming pool were refreshing. It felt good to stay outdoors.....what a nice change......
      When I got back the cold air hit my body with the reminder that our winter weather is not over and I would have to endure it for a while yet. Thank the Lord for seasons.....this is not the never ending "always winter but never Christmas" of Narnia. We enjoy all four seasons in New Hampshire, never stays the same....as I've heard it often said...."well if you don't like the weather just wait 5 minutes.."
     We had our home meeting last night and during our time of worship one of my friends, through tears, said, "Thank you Lord, in this ever changing world, You NEVER change." I immediately felt overcome with gratefulness to the Lord. I have experienced such change in my life.....the most dramatic change in years. My beloved husband went home suddenly to the Lord and I was left without him. For over 30 years we did everything together, worked and served and lived side by side. I found great comfort in being Mrs. John Fortin. Now I am alone.........yet here we were in worship and I was reminded again that my God does not change, does not have to change, will NEVER change. What a comfort and a relief in a world of constant storms and seasons this knowledge is. How easy it is to focus on the seasons and lose perspective of real life. Jesus Christ is our life and He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. (Hebrews 13:8) One of my favorite things to say to young people is, "Jesus is the North in the compass. Everything in life comes to its right place when we focus the compass of our lives on Him, for He is true North."
      Though my husband is not physically here with me, he lived before me constantly as one who was settled in Christ in a world of constant change. Thank the Lord his lesson to me has not been lost.......
 
      Let Jesus be your Rock, your Guide, your Anchor, your Peace in this ever changing world..............He will not change.......He doesn't have to......we do.....
    
    

Gust of Wind

     Today I had the pleasure to fellowship with three believers who have a great love for the Lord. As we shared, we  could see how He is directing us to live set apart from the ways of this world and abide in Him. Though we have received righteousness from faith, sanctification is a deeper path. While cleaning out my basement of clutter to get it ready eventually for sale, I came across some of my husband's journals. I spent time reading them this week and would like to share a few of his thoughts with you....
      "the depth of Christ-like character in a Christian will most assuredly affect the world. The deeper the depth, the more profound will be the affect."
      "living for self will waste your life away..........what is life's purpose? what are you doing with your life?....self will forever stop and hinder you in your pursuit of God.....self takes your eyes off Jesus. When self goes, just think of what's ahead! Wait and be patient...trust in Him......Your life is but a vapor. IT'S SO SHORT.....How will you spend it? Our days on the earth are as a gust of wind. But what an important gust. The direction in which it blows will determine your destiny."
      As I read these words , (which my husband wrote in his 20's) I saw how his life reflected these thoughts. He lived each day putting self aside and sought to have that deeper Christ-like character. I have seen and heard the ripple affects of his life from so many people I have lost count. And I can testify that as his wife of 30 years I had the privilege of having it demonstrated to me daily. What a gift! What a life! ....when we don't live for ourselves! We are eternal beings, with eternal purposes.....it is not about us. My prayer, my heartfelt intercession is to be focused on Christ and not on me, to be changed, to live set apart for the master's use, to know that I am not my own, I have been bought with a price, with the blood of Jesus Christ and I am His. It is late, but I have been stirred again by my beloved John to worship my Beloved Lord....

God is Never Surprised

       Today I spent the afternoon after work at a friend's, first a make-up party, then an episode of "I Love Lucy"(tee-hee), a game of "Shutes & Ladders" with her daughter.... then supper, then one on one fellowship. What a fun time and fulfilling one as well. During our fellowship time we discussed and shared the things God was putting on our hearts. I shared one truth that keeps coming to me and keeps me going.... God is never surprised. 
       No matter how surprised we are, no matter how shocked or shaken, He is not. If I didn't believe this, I would be unable to function or face life as it is for me right now. The night John went to be with the Lord, I felt this. I was shaken, I was in great pain and grief but I knew where John was (and is...), I knew the Lord was welcoming him home. As I finally collapsed in fatigue the next day I would wake every hour and the stabbing pain would hit me, John is not here anymore....but at the same time within seconds the Holy Spirit spoke the Word to me...., "Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it abides alone, but if it dies it brings forth much fruit." John 12:24......I would hear it again and again for weeks on end each time I would wake up in the night, it was as clear as a bell. This spoke volumes to me.....He is aware of everything, He knows everything, He is God.  What happened  has brought me to a place of opportunity. Will I choose to grow in faith or fear. Is it easy to go through? No! But He is with me every step of the way. Sometimes He has to carry me. I will choose to follow and trust Jesus Christ no matter what. Am I challenged? Yes! Am I perfected in this? No! But I am learning daily........ This truth, this love, this Lord......will keep me going......  
        

Love Letter

While getting together documents for my accountant for tax purposes, I was digging through my desk and found an envelope put safely away. It was a love letter and poem my husband wrote me. He wrote it while stuck in an airport for 6 hours. I gently opened it and knew I would probably weep for a time... I did. It is amazing how a love born in God can make you feel. John made me feel like I was the best thing to happen to him outside of Jesus....  I let a few friends read it and they cried too. So many have never experienced this...even married for many years. When a man loves God more than he loves you, he will always treat you right. He will always put you first. John used to counsel men who liked the scripture about the wife submitting to the husband and challenge them, "well if you want to have that then you must do your part, love your wife as Christ loved the church, remember Christ laid down his life for the church. So are you ready to die for her?" I would sit there so humbled by such a loving husband. I told a young lady today that we would try to outdo each other but John always won. He always thought about his life in terms of eternity and what is real worth. Some think worth comes from money or power or worldly accomplishments. John knew that a man's worth came from Christ and Christ alone and his true accomplishment would be to lay his life down for others. I miss him terribly, I miss that special way he made me feel when I was around him. When I get overwhelmed in grief I hear a voice say, "Rejoice, you have had a love of loves, be grateful, be thankful and live in that love, share that love." I hope and pray that I can make others feel the way my husband made me feel....loved and precious to God.....it is the least that I should by grace do......
    Thank you, thank you Jesus!

Are we alone?

        Today I was helping a friend through a tough time...as she relayed her loneliness I ached inside at my own. I cannot remain there though...I say often, "I am not alone," because I know it to be true and know that I have an enemy of my soul who wants me to be full of self pity and bitterness. I refuse to stay there....what right do I have to remain there...everything I have been given past and present is a gift, not owed to me, not a right, but truly a gift. The creator sought me out and gave me purpose and it is not to stay self absorbed in my misery. Do I ache and weep? Yes of course! Everyday I wake up and look at my half empty bed and room and it hits me, John is not here anymore...the love of my earthly life. Every time I see an old loving couple, I think, well that isn't me anymore...I am a widow......but......(an important word....) something deep within me reaches out to my Lord, a deep love and hope that is born out of my suffering. Am I not facing reality??? What is reality?.. Most people say it is what is around them, what they see and hear and feel. That....is not reality. There is a heavenly kingdom which is not of this earth and it is truer than anything here. It lifts me to a plane of peace and joy beyond my circumstances, to a higher place with a greater view. This view shows me  my King and the opportunity given me to be a light, a comfort, a witness. There is still a world out there that needs to know the love of Jesus Christ. Who better to share than those who know it firsthand....."out of the depths you lifted me..."
 He is my life .........and all I know is... He loves you & me with an eternal love.When I am lonely then I need to reach out to those around me, love on them with this love. I feel a deep contentment when I do this. I am going now to prepare dinner tonight for friends........I am excited....I will not be alone.....I know I am never alone.........

Climbing higher...

Today during the morning service I had a vision while worshiping..... I was standing on a high mountain above clouds and the view beyond was amazing......then the Lord spoke to my heart ....it takes faith and trust to climb a mountain...one has to believe it will hold them up and that the view must be spectacular. I don't think we would want to climb a mountain with no view to reward the effort. Trust keeps us climbing and believing even if the path is difficult. I remember climbing on my hands and knees once because the wind was so strong it could blow us over if we stood up. Once on top the views are so revealing....the Lord was wooing me to a place I could see so much more than what I saw in the valley of weeping. I was reminded in the message afterwards of Elisha & Gehazi in the Old Testament being surrounded by the enemy and how Gehazi was panicking but Elisha was not. So Elisha prayed that Gehazi eyes would be opened to see what he could see....and it happened. Gehazi could see an army of angels surrounding them....
         I get overwhelmed when I can't see, when I feel surrounded by burdens like grief, loneliness, the cares for my house, bills, snowstorms, work....etc..    I have to leave the valley by prayer, worship, reading the Word and meditating in quiet..... then all of a sudden I am above it looking down and seeing it from God's perspective....what a view! I am lifted up and sigh at such beauty, His love & grace to me are majestic like the view from a great mountain. I wrote this poem after just such a "climb". I hope it will encourage you to leave your valley and take in Jesus.....
                          "When I am in the valley
                           I can't see where paths may lead
                           Surrounded by a forest
                           a clear view is what I need
                           I look up and see a mountain
                           a hill above the trees
                           I walk in that direction
                           climbing with the breeze
                           when I finally reach the top
                           the pain is felt so keen
                           Yet when I look about
                           what wonders to be seen
                          I stand and catch my breath
                          I gasp, I gape, I sigh
                          to think what I would miss
                          If I had passed it by
                          the many paths and trails
                         you can see for miles around
                         you know now where they're going
                          and at the end what may be found
                          I feel a story here
                          One that I must tell
                         when you are in confusion
                         and cannot see so well
                        Hear the Savior calling
                        come to His mountain top
                        cease from all your struggling
                        cause your mind to stop
                        raise your hands in worship
                        lay your burdens at His feet
                       get still before His Presence
                       till you feel His soft heartbeat
                       your eyes will then be opened
                       His truth will come in view
                       in wisdom you will know
                       which path He's leading to
                       so come now from you valley
                       to the mountain of the Lord
                       He'll show you where your path is
                       but will show you so much more
                       as you gaze into His splendor
                       You'll gasp and gape and sigh
                       just think what would be missed
                       if you had passed Him by.....   C Fortin


                   


                                        

God hears....

        Today was my day off....I slept in, had time with the Lord and went to lunch with friends. During my time with the Lord, I am reading Elizabeth Elliot's book, "A Path Through Suffering". It is laden with stories and truths that challenge me in the midst of my grief and remind me I am not alone in it. One of the things that I desire most and have asked the Lord for is to give me glimpses of heaven. John & I were so close that I ache and wonder, does he think of me? Does he miss me? (probably not since he is with Jesus)....but more than that is the desire to be with him when I get there...to share heaven with him. I miss him so much, we shared over 30 wonderful years together, we went through very happy times and difficult times and weathered them always together.....so again this morning I asked the Lord to please let me see into heaven....well later in the day I ran into a brother who lost a loved one and he directed me to a book about a 4 year old's journey to heaven. I immediately bought the book at Walmart and have sat reading the rest of the day....just to get a glimpse... Why?...... because someone I love is there.....
        One day as I gazed out the window sighing the Lord told me... John is not dead. Do not say he is dead for he is not. Then this scripture rose inside me... "I am the resurrection and the life....he who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?" John 11:25,26. He was asking if I believed this...if I do then I must believe that heaven is a real place, not a far away dream but very real....
         Again, I remember a card I got with a Thomas Kincaid painting of  stone steps leading to a beautiful garden....all of a sudden in my heart I could see John at the top of the steps waiting to lead me to Jesus... .....despite the great loneliness I feel, and I feel it deeply, I know that heaven is real, I choose to believe even though I don't see just yet but sometimes the Lord does allow me to get glimpses.......